Crack. Crack has taken my world by storm. I’m addicted. I do it before I go to bed. I do it when I wake up. I do it when I’m at work. I do it when I’m downtown with friends. I do it on the toilet. I do it everywhere. It’s the only Crack I’ve ever loved and the only Crack I’ve ever payed $2.99 for.
The aptly named app Trivia Crack has taken the world by storm. They knew what they were doing when they named it crack. Because this shit is thoroughly addictive. Even though the app has been around since May 2014. It seems that it has only recently taken off on a huge scale in the past month or so. Top free app of 2014 and the ad free version was also on the top paid app list for Android and iPhone as well. Almost all my friends play it. The 40 year old guy with all the tattoos at the bar is playing. My family is playing. Your tech savvy grandma is probably playing it. Everyone. Plays. It’s awesome. The game’s popularity is refreshing. Especially in a society where intelligence seems to be lacking as of late. Or at least when it comes to “common sense” type stuff. (See the below video for an idea of what I mean). It’s nice to see people playing a game where they actually can gain some knowledge while doing it, instead of doing something completely mindless and stupid for hours on end with no real benefit. (I’m looking at you Flappy Bird).
All of the typical blogs have already done their usual post about “10 Things Everyone Hates About Trivia Crack” or whatever fun list they came up with. Seriously, why does everyone make fucking lists? But I’m going to approach it a little differently. For the record, I love this game. I really do. It’s a blast. I’m 4th on my all time list and I’ve only been playing for two weeks. And I’ve been number one in the weekly rankings both of those weeks. (Suck it Robby). The reason I like it so much is that I really am learning tidbits of information, and I am retaining it. If I miss a question once, you bet your ass I’ll get the next one that’s similar.
For those of you who haven’t played the game I’ll give you a quick rundown. You spin a wheel and get a category to answer a 4 choice multiple choice question from. There are currently 6 categories available each with a character representation. Your goal is to get all 6 characters before your opponent. You get a character by answering three random questions correctly, then answering one question in the category for the character you want. That’s the basics. There’s a little more to it with challenges and spending coins for “life-lines” but it’s much easier to just go download the game and start playing. You’ll pick it up pretty quick. So now to meet the characters:
Edward Entertainment
Edward is the man. He’s the guy at the party that constantly quotes movies from the past decade. He loves gossiping about current celebrity news and never seems to let go when Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift that one time(Seriously, I’ve gotten a question about that probably 30 times). He’s the reason the people in the video above got the last questions right. He’s seen every movie, read every book, and watched every TV show. He’s our typical first pick if we want a quick character. And we have no problem wagering him in a challenge because he’s like a heart broken teenager, we know we can win him back. We love it when he asks us anything from the last 20ish years. But sometimes he can be a real dickhead. Like when he gets super mad at us and looks at us all condescendingly through those 1950’s 3-D glasses when we don’t know what actress played Nellie on “The Little House on the Prairie”. Taunting us with that probably delicious, buttered-to-perfection purple popcorn. Douche.
Samuel Science
Sammy is one of our best friends. He’s got a love for the Periodic table and only pisses us off when he brings up the elements with weird symbols we never dealt with in high school chem class. We all remember Gold(Au), Silver(Ag), Sodium(Na), and Potassium(K). But how the hell am I supposed to know Antimony is Sb? In case you were wondering, the reason their names are strange is because they are based off the Latin words. Not the English words. For example gold is ‘aurum’ in Latin. Cool, right? But let’s get back to Sammy. Most of the stuff he knows doesn’t go passed High School biology/chemistry/anatomy so we usually get pretty excited when we spin our boy Sammy. Sometimes he asks us a History question. When the Cotton Gin was invented is not science, Sammy. And sometimes he gets pretty technical(What the hell is an “intron”?) and that’s when we want to pour out whatever he’s got in his belly(it’s probably just fucking Kool-aid) and break him over Art’s head. (Seriously, fuck Art).
Art
Speaking of Art. Fuck Art. Everybody hates Art. I didn’t even give him a bad ass name because he doesn’t deserve it. One day in Art’s past, he had the option: To be an asshole, or not to be an asshole. That was the question. You’ll never guess which one he picked. Art is the lowest on a lot of people’s percentage board. Unless you’re a girl. Then it’s probably sports. He’s a pretentious hipster douche who thinks he’s cultured and better than everyone else. He’s the guy at the party wearing cut off jean shorts from his skinny jeans and a scarf. His favorite painting is “The Scream” by Edvard Munch and he loves telling you about the 4 versions he painted. He also loves to give you Picasso, Michelangelo, Van Gogh, and da Vinci as choices because fuck your ability to guess. God I hate this guy.
Hank History
Now this is a fella we would vote into presidency. He made us realize we had no idea the dates for most of the major wars in history, but because of him we have them all memorized. 1939 – 1945 anyone? He let’s us put to use that song we learned to list the presidents in chronological order that we’ve never been able to apply before. But we keep it on the down low that most of the time we know the answer because of a movie we saw one time (Good lookin’ out, Edward). But sometimes Hank can be a real dickbox. Wondering when some obscure historical act happened and then giving us 4 sequential years to choose from. Really, Hank? Really? We could have probably deduced if it happened in the 80’s 90’s or 70’s. But not 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974. Help us out, homie. Not even a 50-50 is going to help us out on this shit.
Jerry Geography
Jerry makes us happy that we paid attention that week in 5th grade when we learned the state capitals. He’s probably from clutch city based on how many times he’s thrown a capital question at us for the crown. You the real MVP Jerry. But he also made us realize that when it comes to a global scale, we know very little capitals of countries. Very very little. Just look at the way he’s standing there. He’s adorable. And boy does he love his flags.
Sporty Sports
Sporty is everything we hate about sports. And none of the stuff we love. He lost his tooth in a bar fight with Hank after they fought over what category anything about Jackie Robinson should be in. I think they ended up going halfsies on that one. Playing fantasy sports helps with a lot of his questions but when he expects us to know the Jet’s second round draft pick in 1991 we want to Charlie Brown his ass all the way to Quito(The capital city of Ecuador, Jerry).
Willy The Wheel
Look at this smug bastard. Sitting there with that smile on his face after he just spun us 5 art questions in a row. What an ass. But we forgive him when he spins us 5 crowns in one game and we win after only answering 11 questions. Sorry again about that Ross. I know it wasn’t fair.
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-Glanzer